The following article contains spoilers for ‘Practical Magic 2’.

When I watched the original 1998 – starring Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock as two witch sisters living under a centuries-old curse that kills any man that falls in love with them (or who they fall in love with? It’s hard to tell) – for the very first time last week, I could see why it was a bit of a classic: the cosy New England surroundings, all those ’90s jeans and floral skirts and tiny shades, the sort of nonsensical plot line that was par for the course for films back then (general vibe was more important than logistics).

I was excited, then, to see the Owens sisters reunite for some 30 years later (though in the film, only 10 years appear to have passed, even though it’s set in the 2020s – but who cares about things like “time”?). It’s an eccentric film, to say the least: cursed books, evil caretakers, increasingly elaborate spells… has it all. Indeed, if you thought it’d be any more lucid than the OG film, you’d thankfully be mistaken.

I was also left with many, many questions. So many questions, in fact, that I had to keep looking away from the screen to write them down. Here are the 65 burning questions I was left with after watching .

Nicole And Sandra Reunite On The Red Carpet In London

1. Hhhm okay so no one’s aged at all in 30 years, is there a spell for that?
2. I feel like the general timeline of this film in comparison to the last doesn’t make sense?
3. But I’m going to pretend it does?
4. How does one get bitten by a book?
5. Did that black cat at the beginning of the film say “hello”?
6. I love how everyone still wears tiny shades and long floral skirts?
7. I thought the curse had already been broken in the last film?
8. Why did it take this many decades for Aunt Jet to find the book with instructions to end the curse?
9. How do they know who that deathwatch beetle is even for, surely it could be for any of them?
10. Why are they acting relatively chill about the fact Aunt Jet is about to drop down dead?
11. Is there such a thing as an emotionally available DJ?
12. Shouldn’t Sally’s daughters be in their mid to late 30s by now?
13. Why is Sally telling her aunt off for stealing books on her final day on earth?
14. Also, why does the library Sally work in sell dodgy magic books anyway?
15. Aren’t Sally’s daughters even a little bit suspicious about why so many dads and partners in their family die?
16. Why did aunt Jet have to die too, I hate this?
17. What were all those random people doing clinging to their garden fence when aunt Frances went outside?
18. Why aren’t Sally’s daughters more traumatised that aunt Jet died on her birthday?
19. Why would Gideon show up to a wake without being invited?
20. Isn’t it a bit weird that Gideon and Kylie are, like, gleefully kissing at the wake?
21. How did Gideon even know where the wake was if no one knew he was coming?
22. Why do so many of these men get hit while they’re on a bike, is that another part of the curse?
23. Wait, so does someone you love them make a difference to the curse? I feel like the rules of this curse keep changing?
24. Hasn’t Sally smashed a bit of glass with her mind before, why are her daughters acting so shocked?
25. You’re telling me that neither Kylie nor Antonia remember their childhood in which their mum was a witch at all? Why is Kylie acting so taken aback?
26. So, Gideon’s in a coma, not dead? See, I told you the rules of the curse keep changing.
27. Why are all the flashback sections like a weird British children’s show from the ’90s?
28. Kind of into it though? The original was famously also absurd, after all.
29. Why did Gillian called Sally a “sentient cucumber”? Who wrote this script?
30. Why is everyone so frantic in this film and always talking over each other?
31. How did Sally’s daughters not know that their aunts were witches either, I mean look at them?
32. Was anyone else expecting to see Ian Wright the ex footballer?
33. Couldn’t they have picked a different name?
34. How do Sally and Gillian have a full face of make-up after an eight-hour flight?
35. Couldn’t Ian have mustered a thank you?
36. Does anyone know why he was writhing around like that anyway?
37. Actually, I think this film is even more absurd than the original?
38. Why does Ian have all that scripture tattooed on his arm?
39. Why does drinking mini vodkas in bed actually look quite fun?
40. Is Gillian an alcoholic?
41. Why is Kylie on a twee little steam train while her boyfriend’s in a coma?
42. Sorry, but which countryside village in the UK has a freshly painted red phone box?
43. Why did Ian look like he was about to rack up some lines when he got all that powder out?
44. Why do they keep travelling on these nice twee trains and not, like, a disgusting and packed late train, as is standard in the UK?  Fake news!
45. Why is Ian actually the worst? He’s giving “leader of an international wellness cult”.
46. So I guess Sally still has terrible taste in men?
47. Why did that caretaker guy randomly tell Kylie over eggs that his mum “drank herself to death”?
48. Sorry, why is Kylie hanging out with this weird caretaker anyway?
49. Why would that caretaker still be salty about something that happened hundreds of years ago?
50. Why is this film like one of those one-off BBC specials that comes out between Christmas and New Year?
51. Was Evan Rachel Wood invited to be in this movie and did she say no?
52. Wait, why exactly did Sally thwack Ian over the head with a pan?
53. What if Gideon wakes up from his coma and discovers that Kylie is in fact not by his bedside but doing ancient spells in a village in England?
54. How has this film gone so off piste? Aren’t they all meant to be saving Gideon or breaking the curse or something?
55. Why are the sisters listening to that caretaker blabbering on, can’t they cast a spell on him?
56. How have I watched so much of this film but I still don’t quite know what’s going on?
57. “Thank you for introducing me to custard”?  What?
58. So, aunt Frances has to… kill herself?! By drowning? This film is so dark.
59. Why did aunts have to go? Couldn’t aunt Jet have been the sacrificed witch seeing as she died already?
60. Why does this “lime in the coconut” song really get me going?
61. Is drinking so back?
62. How would the daughters not remember off the roof when they were 10?
63. Do you think their minds erased it because trauma?
64. What have I just seen?

70 Burning Questions I Had After Watching For The First Time