Let’s be real: most afternoon teas in London are a bit of a scam. I should know – for the last five years, I’ve been reviewing them for British and, more often than you’d think, this involves arriving at a swanky venue only to be served stale, wafer-thin finger sandwiches that taste like they should be part of a Tesco meal deal, flavourless English Breakfast, dry scones and dense, overly refrigerated pastries that make you feel a bit sick. After all that, you’re usually presented with a staggering bill.

It’s outrageous when you think about it – the cost of ingredients for the likes of coronation chicken sandwiches and lemon cakes is low, the mark-up eye-wateringly high, and the emphasis nearly always on Instagrammable interiors, panoramic views or gimmicky live performances (orchestras, ballerinas, I’ve seen it all) over the basic quality of food and service. But, with so much money to be made, and with an endless stream of tourists flocking to the capital for this quintessentially British experience, it also makes perfect sense that every hotel, restaurant, café, museum and theatre within the M25 would now be clamouring to launch their very own afternoon tea menu.

Thankfully, though, amidst this vast swathe of mediocre-to-downright-bad offerings, there are still a handful of places – some historic and some new, some supremely fancy and some wonderfully casual – which are reliably excellent and will go some way towards restoring your faith in this whole ritual. Read on for a painfully honest guide to the five best afternoon teas in London.

Read more: explore where to find the best brunch in London.